I'm a father of 3 kids (age 8 to 14 now) and I've been smoking weed daily since I was 13 years old with very few hiatuses (now 43). My wife, which was a light weed smoker when I met her has since stopped completely after getting a job offer from the government and having to pass drug tests (and also maybe that 48 hour surprise edible trip we had in our early years, lol). She's now fairly anti-drugs, she tolerates my usage as long as it's when the kids aren't around and she doesn't have to smell it. If it were her choice, she'd have me stop smoking altogether. She's from a family of secrets-of-polichinelle and she never told her parents and had me deny I even ever used the stuff to preserve appearances, yet her parents aren't even anti-drug and well, she's having me shut up about it to them and the kids.

Out of respect, I simply keep my use a secret. My stuff is locked in a box, but I don't have a place to hide it, kids found it but can't access it so they have no idea what's in there. They never asked either. I smoke after all the kids are in bed, always outside.. It's alright, but it's limiting and annoying, especially when I come back from a hard day of work and really could use a joint to relax, gotta wait, gotta hide.

I'm not even sure what my own opinion on the subject is. One one hand, it would be so much simpler not to have to hide, be able to smoke whenever I feel like it without anyone making any drama about it, but then again, how do you tell your kids that drugs are bad if you are using them yourself? What kind of parent would I be if I told how I really feel about weed, how to me, it's a great part of my life, one I enjoy, one I'm passionate about, one which brings only positive things to me, all while refraining them from using weed until they are of age (and even then, if docs are right, until they are 25+ and hopefully never). I feel I'm in the same situation as the government who is both trying to raise health awareness and playing boogie man with weed, but also trying to fight organized crime and having to set competitive prices to do so.

I'm not really looking for a solution, I just felt it's a subject that's not been discussed much on here, reddit or Discord. How are other parents dealing with this morality issue? For those who are open about it, do you feel it's a dangerous thing especially for their teen period where smoking weed still comes with a social stigma, one that can lead you to associate with bums and bad influences (kinda cliché I know, but been there, done that, I've both had bad influences and been a bad influence on others and most of my stoner friends from my teens are now losers without jobs/education).

Thoughts? Experiences? Please share

I dunno, is it really a “drug”? For many people it’s medicine, I’m sure you’d let your kids see you pop a T3 etc. I think you parents have a big role to play with hour the future sees it. Do they see it as something bad that dad has to keep hidden away, or is it something that’s fine (do they see you drink beers?) to do, as long as you’re not blowing smoke in their faces.

Otownkush wrote: Wed Nov 06, 2019 10:41 am I dunno, is it really a “drug”? For many people it’s medicine, I’m sure you’d let your kids see you pop a T3 etc. I think you parents have a big role to play with hour the future sees it. Do they see it as something bad that dad has to keep hidden away, or is it something that’s fine (do they see you drink beers?) to do, as long as you’re not blowing smoke in their faces.

A lot of people hide behind that "it's medicine" wall but lets be honest for the vast majority of smokers it's purely recreational. In my case, I have absolutely no medical reasons to use marijuana. Sure it's a balm on stress but there are a million other ways I could alleviate that stress without cannabis.

That's one thing I didn't touch on, I'm a super honest person and I don't hide things. If anyone asks me if I use cannabis I never hide it, that includes employers, coworkers, etc. I don't give a fuck, I am who I am and nobody but my own body will be the judge of me on that. That said out of respect for my wife, I'm doing this mascarade in front of her family and my own kids. This situation brings me some moderate stress, I don't like playing games or pretending to be something I'm not.

As far as alcohol goes, I don't really drink so it's not really a thing I can relate to. That said, with the current vaping craze amongst the kids nowadays, I do have huge reservations banalizing smoking/vaping in general to my kids. I want them to associate vaping with bad and self destructive behavior... But how can I promote that stance if I'm smoking cannabis openly? Seems like an hypocrite thing to do.

If I were open about it, how would I be able to intervene with my own children if I catch them smoking a joint at 15yo or whatever? Especially since I started at 12 myself.

It's quite a complex subject.... And it seems all options come with their load of issues.

xsinx wrote: Wed Nov 06, 2019 11:34 am

Otownkush wrote: Wed Nov 06, 2019 10:41 am I dunno, is it really a “drug”? For many people it’s medicine, I’m sure you’d let your kids see you pop a T3 etc. I think you parents have a big role to play with hour the future sees it. Do they see it as something bad that dad has to keep hidden away, or is it something that’s fine (do they see you drink beers?) to do, as long as you’re not blowing smoke in their faces.

A lot of people hide behind that "it's medicine" wall but lets be honest for the vast majority of smokers it's purely recreational. In my case, I have absolutely no medical reasons to use marijuana. Sure it's a balm on stress but there are a million other ways I could alleviate that stress without cannabis.

That's one thing I didn't touch on, I'm a super honest person and I don't hide things. If anyone asks me if I use cannabis I never hide it, that includes employers, coworkers, etc. I don't give a fuck, I am who I am and nobody but my own body will be the judge of me on that. That said out of respect for my wife, I'm doing this mascarade in front of her family and my own kids. This situation brings me some moderate stress, I don't like playing games or pretending to be something I'm not.

As far as alcohol goes, I don't really drink so it's not really a thing I can relate to. That said, with the current vaping craze amongst the kids nowadays, I do have huge reservations banalizing smoking/vaping in general to my kids. I want them to associate vaping with bad and self destructive behavior... But how can I promote that stance if I'm smoking cannabis openly? Seems like an hypocrite thing to do.

If I were open about it, how would I be able to intervene with my own children if I catch them smoking a joint at 15yo or whatever? Especially since I started at 12 myself.

It's quite a complex subject.... And it seems all options come with their load of issues.

I couldn’t agree more and always get a chuckle when people complain about their “meds” - purchased from a black market. I’m like you and 99% of us, smoking for fun.

Lots of good points, and as I’m only 26 without kids/wife, I don’t have the same perspective you do (yet). I can remember getting scolded for getting caught with a cigarette at 15, beer at 14 etc. I think that part of it is just kids being kids and going through that “rebellious” phase. I guess as long as the parent does scold the child, while also letting them know that these things are OK at a certain age.. idk man parenting seems tough.

I couldn’t do the charade you put on - especially in my own house, lol. I guess those things change as life goes on?

Yeah obviously when they're all adults and/or of they ever catch me doing it then the word will be out and the whole facade will come tumbling down.

Another thing is I'd like to grow my own at some point but keeping this from the kids is just impossible.

xsinx wrote: Wed Nov 06, 2019 11:34 am
If I were open about it, how would I be able to intervene with my own children if I catch them smoking a joint at 15yo or whatever? Especially since I started at 12 myself.

One of the things I respected most about my father growing up was his honesty toward me.

He was a hardcore addict and a bum, there were lots of instances where I watched him struggle with drugs.

Instead of attempting to dumb everything down for me, I was like 8 or 10, he spoke to me the same way he'd talk to his friends. He said he feels guilty for being high around me but he does it sometimes to not feel stressed or sad about the rest of life. He told me he wanted to stop smoking cigarettes and weed and doing drugs but he can't. He told me about what quitting is like. He told me what smoking weed felt like. All the things he never did as a consequence of drugs or addiction, like secure his life. It was really demystifying and I had an understanding of addiction before I had a chance to experience drugs.

Your kids are probably going to smoke pot eventually. If they hear that it's the devils lettuce from you but learn it's awesome on their own, they won't trust your judgement as well concerning it. I never listened to my Mom because of that. I was always as honest with my dad as he was with me.

You said you started smoking weed when you were 12. It's really hard to imagine but your internal dialogue doesn't mature very quick from puberty onward, meaning kids are smart, as smart as some adults I've met. It's a weird age where half of the adults speak to you like you're 4 and the rest talk to you like you're 40. I don't remember any of the kid speak but I remember all of the most adult conversations I had growing up. Those are the important ones to have with kids, talk to them like they're 40 sometimes, even if you don't think they'll understand it - they'll think about it until it clicks even if it takes them a while.

I never had kids of my own but some of my friends did and I watch them treat them like idiots, it frustrates me. My dad is gone now and if he did that I probably never would have known him, so I think back on the conversations we had and love that they're still relevant.

I'm not suggesting you unlock your box and get your kids to play with your weed, but you can't pretend being high isn't a good feeling or they'll hear it from a friend and suddenly that friend is smarter than you. Part of using drugs is risk/reward so that's probably the lesson that needs to be taught over drugs are bad.

Drugs are bad usually because people suck at balancing risk/reward, the earlier you use drugs the more fucked up that area of your brain becomes so it's an important lesson to teach before damage is done.

You simply can't treat teens like they aren't capable of making a decision for themselves but you can feed them the right information and hope they use it. I still smoke weed so I'm not sure if it worked, but I stopped there when all my friends kept going so maybe.

I'm not making judgements on you or trying to sound like I know anything. I still wouldn't use in front of the kids (parents who smoke cigarettes raise cigarette smokers) but don't be afraid to teach them what you know because better from you than on their own.

Good luck with the kids, and your situation. I can imagine that and there's no right way to approach it. Maybe when the youngest is a bit older the family can discuss it. If Dad drank beer every day at 6 I don't think the family would become alcoholic though, it just needs to be demystified and talked about maturely. Now it's legal so it's not something you can say is taboo now and be done like the easy days. But don't stress about it much, kids grow.

If you catch them with a joint talk to them how you'd wish you were talked to at their age, or the way you'd talk to a close friend who is making risky decisions. They might make the same mistakes over again but those words last forever, one day they seem a little relevant and then it clicks.

Good luck.

Thanks getoffmylawn, very good post.

My younger ones probably aren't really old enough to even wonder about that stuff yet, but I had a talk with my older one when they legalized weed. I initiated the dialogue because I was curious to see how his friends reacted to all this. I was also curious to know if the school teachers had brushed the subject at all, it's a big defining moment in Canadian history. Turns out absolutely nothing was said by the school at all, they left that to us, without ever communicating with us. Seems like a missed opportunity to at least explain why the government did that move, objectively, without taking sides. Heck, would have been an excellent subject to start a mock-debate at school even.

I explained to him objectively why the government legalized Cannabis, what it was, does it does.. I mainly focused on the medical side, explaining that for many people it's a better alternative to other medicine, namely opioids. Brushed the criminality aspects of it, how users (even medical ones until fairly recently) had to deal with criminals to get their medicine, etc.

I feel I've reassured him about it all, he had a negative opinion of it all off the start (he's straight as hell, lol, nothing like me at his age) and he learned something, I didn't demonize it, nor did I vouch for it, just some neutral facts.

My daughter is 11 now and she reminds me of me so much, she has that zero fear attitude, defies authority but not head on, she's stealthy. I'll definitely need to keep an eye on her and have the talk at some point. She has good friends so far, so I'm not super worried.

There’s a ton of similarities between you and I. I’m a daily recreational smoker and I love it. My wife smokes as well but hides it from her judgemental family. I like you am not ashamed of my habit at all and hide it from no one, with the exception of my wife’s family. I also hid it from my daughter until she was old enough to make the choice to try smoking weed on her own. I gave her an informed opinion on it and she didn’t try it for a few years. Everyone’s situation is different and it is their choice alone to do as they so choose. Definitely an interesting post. Food for thought as they say.

I am feeling the same thing, although I'm 30 and my kids are 6, 4, 2 and 1 month. I have been smoking indicas daily since 16 to deal with anxiety issues, my wife doesn't smoke at all. I am fortunately enough to work from home and live on a farm so doing my deed is easy to do in private. I too wonder how I will deal with talking to my kids about it in the future. I know that conversation is far in the future, but it's interesting to see how others will go about it.

I'm not a parent, but this was a very interesting read.. Got some very insightful people in this community.

I've been thinking about this subject off and on for years. Smoke daily but go to great pains to hide it from my kids. They are 7 and 10 and I feel like such a hypocrite when faced with this question. It downright gives me anxiety if I think on it too much lol. Bottom line is I don't want my kids to know until they are older but at the same time I know kids aren't dumb. I mean the thought of my own kids smoking up as early as I did literally guts me. I want to be able to inform them of my experience and hopefully they don't start until much later in life. Had the weed talk with my oldest since legalization but nothing more since.

highres604 wrote: Mon Nov 18, 2019 4:48 pm I've been thinking about this subject off and on for years. Smoke daily but go to great pains to hide it from my kids. They are 7 and 10 and I feel like such a hypocrite when faced with this question. It downright gives me anxiety if I think on it too much lol. Bottom line is I don't want my kids to know until they are older but at the same time I know kids aren't dumb. I mean the thought of my own kids smoking up as early as I did literally guts me. I want to be able to inform them of my experience and hopefully they don't start until much later in life. Had the weed talk with my oldest since legalization but nothing more since.

Damn, looks like I hit close to home. Don't stress so much over it, ultimately, it's not that huge a deal so long as your kids are loved and well educated they can tackle those challenges on their own and so long as you are open about all things, they won't feel the need to hide things from you and might even ask for guidance (not necessarily directly).

I haven't talked to the wife about this whole thread yet. Seems every time we talk about that subject, we end up disagreeing, but both not really satisfied and unsure about our respective positions. Like I said from the get go, I'm not even sure what my position is just yet. This discussion is very interesting, keep the ideas/opinions coming, good or bad, I'm looking at all angles here.

if your kids take an interest in marijuana you should talk to them about it. Tell them your experience with weed and how it affected you. your kids are still young and are going to grow up with beliefs that you raised them with. I'm not a parent yet and i'm speaking as a young adult. think about how you have wanted to be raised.

Otownkush wrote: Wed Nov 06, 2019 10:41 am I dunno, is it really a “drug”? For many people it’s medicine, I’m sure you’d let your kids see you pop a T3 etc. I think you parents have a big role to play with hour the future sees it. Do they see it as something bad that dad has to keep hidden away, or is it something that’s fine (do they see you drink beers?) to do, as long as you’re not blowing smoke in their faces.

I think this is where it overlaps. The more we call it medicine, the weirder it is that someone consumes it multiple times daily. Same with a "drug". But the thing is, in traditional terms, it is a drug. But we don't think we are taking drugs everytime we smoke, everytime we drink a coffee, but we are. The association with drug and medicine is what makes it seem weird. I haven't heard nicotine or caffeine called a drug lately, and i bet coffee sales dip when everyone looks at coffee in the same context cannabis gets. It needs to be disassociated with these terms to normalize it, yet it's hard to because it is medicine.